Day 6 - The Argumentative Tongue

Day 6 - Argumentative Tongue
"Avoiding a fight is a mark of honor; only fools insist on quarreling." Pro 20:3

People who frequently engage in arguing enjoy resistance. It could be that person grew-up in a home where arguing was the main type of communication. Others use this type of communication to lift-up their self-esteem.

Argumentative tongues don't care what the argument is about, in fact many of these types will argue a point just to argue-even if they themselves don't believe the point they are making! Oh, we all know this tongue.

I must confess that at times I suffer from this syndrome. When I was younger I HAD to have the last word. If my father said the sky was "blue", I said it was "azure". As I've gotten older and learned to pray for which battles to fight, I do this less and less. It is a difficult habit to break but with God's Word in your heart nothing is impossible.

Solomon, the wisest man in the Bible, said, "beginning a quarrel is like opening a floodgate, so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out." Pro 17:14

Jesus even tells us 'to agree with our enemies quickly" in Matthew 5:25. We must remain loving when we agree to disagree with arguers. Tactfully, with love, we can resist.

Affirmation: I will resist becoming contentious by respecting every one's right to have his own values and views. Sis Lis

Day 5 The Divisive Tongue

"Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God." Matt 5:9

Satan uses division to divide the house. God warns us against this...'a house divided cannot stand.' It only takes two to become divisive and cause contention in a relationship. God speaks a lot about the tongue and what the Lord detests about it..'a man who stirs up dissension among his brothers.' Pro 6:19

We must remain unified and bonded to live in peace. The best way to deflect a divisive spirit is to check the person's motives. Are they warning you? Or are they stating their own opinion of you or a situation? Are they trying to correct a wrong? Or are they stirring up trouble?

How do we receive this type of communication? Do we have a 'thin skin' and read more into a comment than necessary? Do we want to perceive the person as "bad"? Do we believe the lie? How we react is just as important as how we speak.

This past week I encountered a situation where someone was sharing an experience and they used bigoted generalizations about African Americans. We were in a group setting and it was all I could do to hold my tongue. I wanted to either lash out or get up and leave. Instead, I did hold my tongue until I had time to reflect and assess the situation.

After getting counsel and praying, I concluded this person is a bigot. I will confront this person one-on-one and let him know he offended me by his statements. He may not change, he may not hear but it is correct for me to point out my pain to him. God is not pleased with hate speech or speech that creates pain at the expense of another.

We must be active agents of peace and not use tactics that will continue the cycle of divsiveness--it is our Godly duty. This is a tough one sisters, I can get angry but sin not! Oh how difficult this is in our fallen world. Pray for me and I'll pray for you and we all must pray for the ignorant, wicked, evil, and unloving people in the world. They need God, they need His Holy Spirit...only he can transform the evil into good and sanctify the divisive tongue. God bless, Sis Lis

Affirmation: I will make every effort to speak words that produce peace and to refrain from any communication that creates disunity.

Day 4 - The Hasty Tongue

Recap Previous Days:

Lying, Flattering, Manipulating-easy to detect. Difficult to set aside our pride or pain and not use this kind of speech when we feel fear, anger, or insecurity. Put your energy into right standing with God, obey His Word and He will direct the path of your feet and your tongue!

Day 4 - The Hasty Tongue

What I call "Foot in Mouth" disease! "Do you see a man hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than him!" Proverbs 29:20

Our words are life...that is what the Bible says. It is so important not only what we speak but also how we speak. Our lips move and words come out before we engage our brain at times. We say something offensive, off-point or commit to something we don't truly understand when we speak hastily.

1. Offending in Haste. James says, "for in many things we offend all. If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body." Jam 3:2. Meaning, bridle our tongues and listen to what is being said, use your eyes to "listen" to the audience to understand before your speak. Trust the Holy Spirit to direct your language and you will not offend.

Regardless if innocent or not, offensive speech hurts. We can build-up a thick skin and give people the benefit of the doubt when they speak hastily, but we should also remember that not everyone is guided by the Holy Spirit and their skin is thin so we must demonstrate restraint and willingness to be kind and gentle to all people.

2. Responding in Haste. "He who answers before listening-it is his folly and his shame." Pro 18:13. Have you been with someone who answers your question before you finish asking it? Have you done this? I have and it rarely ends well. People who do this have low self-esteem and a need to prove worthiness or superiority. Pray for those people, help them to slow down. If you can, use humor to make your point (but be sensitive).

3. Committing in Haste. God expects us to keep our promises, especially to Him! "Do not be rash with your mouth and let not your heart utter anything hastily before the Lord." Ecc 5:2. God does not take promises lightly. He expects you to fulfill them.

In the book of Judges 11, Jephthah was quick to sacrifice "the first thing out of my house" as a honor to the Lord if the Lord would allow him victory in battle. Jephthah leads the Israelites to victory over the Ammonites. The first thing out of Jephthah's house was his only daughter! James says it this way, "Be swift to hear and slow to speak..." James 1:19

As author Smith-Pegues says, "Time and words are two things that, once gone, can never be recovered." My friend Rochelle told me to 'stop, drop and pray' before opening my mouth. When I do it, it has served me well.

Affirmation: Lord, I am swift to hear and slow to speak. You have set a guard over my mouth and keep watch over the door of my lips.

Day 3, The Manipulating Tongue

Day 2 - Did reading back to "Day 1" and then reading "Day 2" make the study more clear? If not, let me know. I am excerpting and paraphrasing from the book, "30 Days to Taming Your Tongue" by Deborah Smith Pagues.

I am using some examples from the book as well as my own testimony in trying to get control the speech! Love ya all and thanks for the comments back to me.

Day 3 - The Manipulating Tongue

Then Delilah pouted, "How can you say you love me when you don't confide in me? You've made fun of me three times now, and you still haven't told me what makes you so strong!" Judges 16:15

Samson was a chosen man of God. His weakness was for ungodly women and his strength was in his hair. He was chosen to liberate the Israelites from the Philistines. Samson showed his power and conquered many enemies. BUT, he fell in love with Delilah, who was a Philistine, and she manipulated him with her speech to share the secret of his strength.

She used guilt, pouting, and ego to persuade Samson to share his Godly secret. Well, you know the rest of the story (see Judges 16)--his enemies shaved his head, gouged out his eyes and bound him to a chair. He did cause the temple walls to fall but died along with his enemies.

Okay, what does this have to do with taming our tongue? Have you ever said to husband, "I want that but it's okay, I can wait"; "I sure love that .... that ..... has". Or have you found a weak or vulnerable point and used that to get what you want?

A few repercussions from this type of talk: 1) It isn't Godly. Going back to Day 2 you must believe that God wants to prosper you and has good plans for you. It is all in His hands and 2) Your man won't open-up to you, he won't share his intimate thoughts and fears. That is sacred in marriage and something that makes you all "bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh".

I can say that our family does not use this tactic much--and I know, that it drove you all crazy when the "boys" said stuff like this! But, we used it on the West Coast family all the time. It has taken me years to believe that I don't have to manipulate to get basic love, trust, kindness...I endeavor to walk that way each day.

The tough atmosphere of work and the wordly need to succeed sometimes sucks us into using our tongue to manipulate to our advantage. But let's pray each day before we enter the work place that we will speak on those things which are lovely, pure, righteous and that God will reward those who diligently seek Him.

Affirmation: "It is better to receive a blessing from God in secret than the vain honor of men undeserved. Lord, check my heart, my mouth and my mind that I may seek to give you glory and believe that you will never let me go from the shadow of your wings." Love ya, Sis Lis

Day 2 - The Flattering Tongue

Recap of Day 1 and Day 2 Study

How did you do yesterday with that lying tongue? I did pretty good, caught myself thinking about it and stopping my speech mid-sentence. Had a migraine but plodded through and was better by 10 pm. Toned down the exaggerations, figured I am getting my fill with the other blog and my novel (praise God).

When I did spout out the lie, I said "not true, this is what happened.." and guess what?

I didn't explode or melt or get slapped...

Day2 - "These people flatter others to get favors in return" Jude 1:16

How many times do we tell someone how good or great they are and expect something in return? Do we 'play the game' at work and nod in agreement when something should be said to the contrary? Do we speak-up to right a wrong even when our reputation is at stake, going along with the popular, nice, cute, etc. person?

I know for myself, I waffle back-and-forth on this one. Most times I speak up, tell the truth without extra flattery (does seem kindof contrary to my exaggeration but I'll examine that with D to understand it better!). Other times I go along or agree when I really don't want to PEOPLE PLEASER!!!!.

God says this is a form of low-esteem in Him and ourselves. We don't believe that He will favor us so we seek the favor of man. I don't want to be a people-pleaser but a God-obeyer and believer in His promises.

"For surely, O, Lord, you bless the righteous, you surround them with your favor as with a shield." Psalm 5:12

Whom did He bless with unmerited favor besides us? Esther, Daniel, and Joseph come to mind--none of them had to sacrifice integrity or honesty to receive Him. When we feel low, unnoticed and unappreciated we are apt to flatter people. (See Esther, Daniel and Genesis to read the accounts).

God says, "The Lord will cut-off all flattering lips..." Psalm 12:3 OUCH, visualize the Lord taking scissors and cutting your lips when you flatter man holy canolli I feel the pain.

Affirmation for today: "I will show partiality to no one; nor will I flatter any man. For if I were skilled in flattery, my Maker would soon take me away." Job 32:21-22.

Taming Your Tongue - Day 1

Taken from the book of the same title by Deborah Smith Pegues (she is friends with Judge Ephraim!!)--

Let's Go On A Tongue Fast! 2 Jan - 1 Feb, try, try, try as we might...

"The Lord God has given me the tongue of the learned that I should know how to speak a word in season." Isaiah 50:4

Day 1 - The Lying Tongue

"The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in men who are truthful." Pro 12:22

Oh my, I suffer from this every day. How does the tongue become so used to the bitterness of lies? The gravity of this world pulls me down into a stinking mire and there I go again--people pleasing to get approval and attention.

I am working on that one with D, my life coach. I have such a need to be noticed and please people and have them be "awestruck" by fill in the blank...

Forms of lying:

1. Deceitfulness "whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech." 1 Peter 3:10
2. Half-Truths, any intent to deceive is a lie. The word "integrity" derives from integer. The mathematical term integer is a whole number, not a fraction! We must tell the whole truth "the Truth, the WHOLE Truth, and nothing but the Truth!"
3. Exaggerating, okay, this is one I need LOTS of prayer to overcome. When is it art and when is it just plain lying? For years I told myself that it was just my creative side coming out. However, this is a real danger. It is like the boy who cried wolf...people must be able to distinguish the art from the "real world". Enthusiasm is okay, embellishment--not so much :)

"All liars shall have their part in the lake which burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death." Rev 21:8. First, death separates the spirit from the body; the second separates the spirit from God!

Ugh, how exhausting. I just need to leave it to Jesus as He paid it all. He never opened His mouth to defend against the lies, He never spoke a Word that wasn't focused on the Father and Truth. I pray for that heart. I pray that God cleanses my tongue and forgives me my sins of lying. Humble me Lord, teach me to see the world as it revolves around You and not me!

PRAYER: My mouth speaks what is true, for my lips detest wickedness. All the words of my mouth are just; none of them is crooked or perverse" Pro 8:7-8

I Can Post as Sister Lisa Now

Well, Gerry is busy with his blog at www.geronimofulton.blogspot.com. I pray the kids are enjoying his daily rantings...it really is for them (and secretly us). Alpha Dog was a little perturbed, but he took it in stride and said "it's from the mutt's point of view..."

So, have you had a chance to read any of the posts? I found a great book I have called "Taming the Tongue". I will post some lessons from there that will help us speak words of edification, beauty and encouragement.

It is a 30 day program so I commit to posting each day from now until 1 February. I am going to start a post for prayer requests too. That way we can come here each day and leave our burdens at the Cross and pray for one another.

More later...enjoying God's beautiful sunshine and the bareness of the trees...He is so majestic. Love Sis Lisa